what is crazy delicious?

it's very funny how the days go. you can be going along minding your own business, and then you see something, or something happens, and it changes your day. Changes your vibe. Like the other day, my roomie rolled up with a new camera. i've got to admit, it's a pretty fucking good little camera. It's the new canon S80. it's got a pant load of balls, and it's made really well from what i can see, plus it has a lens that can see pretty wide, which i think is awesome as well as rare in pinnercams these days. Seeing it got me to thinking of the first camera that i ever had. It was one of those Kodak 126 cameras. I got it for my birthday when i was in the 3rd grade i think. Might have been the second grade.

It was a gift from my grampa. I was always bugging him to let me use his camera to take a picture of something. My camera was similar to the one shown here, but not exactly. Mine used flash cubes, and this one took a flash bar. The cubes only had (obviously) 4 flashes each, but i think a bar had something like maybe 10 or something. Anyway, i loved it. I took pictures with it as much as i could. I remember one of my favorite times with the camera was when we took a school field trip to the beach, let me think now, that was like, Rye Beach i think, up the coast of New Hampshire, coming up on the border of Maine. There was this amazing old Hotel up there that was all rundown, and of course as kids we all thought it was haunted. We didn't go inside or anything, but we imagined it was the kind of place people like The Kennedy's and stuff would live in.

We went to a jetty, and i think it was my first time on a jetty before, walking out on it i didn't see what the big deal was. it was sort of like walking on a dock, but made out of rocks. I didn't appreciate jetties very much until i was older i guess. But i took a lot of pictures out there, and as i recall, you could only put like 12 images on a roll. it was this cartridge film. Kind of big, so not as convenient for carrying a bunch of film around, but i had a few rolls with me. Seemed like a lot of pictures at the time. I was really excited about getting my film developed and showing my sister how cool it was at the beach, and pictures with my friends and stuff. I grew up in one of those towns where you graduate from high-school with the same people you went to kindergarden with.

As it turned out, i never did get any of that film developed. In fact, i don't think i ever developed any of the film i shot until i was maybe 13 or 14 years old. Still had the same camera, but by then flash cubes were getting harder to find. I know i've got a picture of me taking a picture with that camera somewhere, me as a teenager, i think it was my 13th birthday party up on Mount Uncanoonic in Goffstown, where i grew up. If i ever find that picture i'll post it. I'm sure it's embarrassing, and i'm sure it's here somewhere.

The funny thing is, though i never got the film developed, i still have memories of the pictures that i took. How i thought the images would come out. Even funnier, i still do that. I mean, as some of you know, i've got boxes and boxes of unprocessed film that i've been carrying around for years. Some of it dating back to when i was in college. That's what i love about digital. You take the picture, and you get to see it. You get to share it. I mean, i've got pictures of fashion shoots, parties, friends that aren't even alive anymore, tons of stuff, thousands of dollars worth of film just wasting away with latent images that are at this point never likely to be realized. Memories that will only be memories, and i'll never be able to show you exactly what i mean, i can only try to tell you.

Like the other day, i'm chatting with Misha out in LA, and he sends me this picture of a T-Shirt. It makes me laugh. Right away i'm laughing. Now, you and me, we know what's funny about it. But in 10 years, is anybody going to remember how funny it is?
and as we were talking about it, i got to thinking what's crazy delicious to me? And it took me back again. To when i was like 18 years old. I was driving an armored car for this company called Atlantic Armored, and i used to run up to the beach to get and give the money out to the banks, right up around the same place i had that field trip when i was a kid. And i used to love to stop at Burger King and get the double whopper with cheese, no onion. I loved it.

To me? that was CRAZY delicious. I could eat 'em every day. Of course, as you know, that's not what happened. I went about 15 years without eating them. Not sure exactly why, but as you may recall, on the day i bought the new camera, i went and bought one. Remember? i had been talking with my sister on the phone, and all that jazz? Yea. It was still crazy delicious. So when he sent me that picture of the t-shirt, i immediately made a custom one for myself. One that explained how i feel on a t-shirt. And suddenly it seemed like everything was getting better all of the sudden. I mean, SURE, i am still tossing and turning until 2:30 or 3:00 every morning for getting shit canned by a guy i thought was my friend, and still not really knowing why, but this was still very early in the afternoon. I wasn't going to have to worry about tossing and turning for at least 7 or 8 more hours. I was happy. I felt like the artist in college. The one with clever ideas. The guy who was going to be somebody. Make something of himself, and make a splash while doing it. I felt like that guy was waking up. The world was my oyster. I could do or be anybody or anything that i wanted. I could start my own church. I could shoot the cover of national geographic. I could pee in duchamp's urinal. Whatever i wanted to do.

And that's when things started changing. I stopped worrying about the dumb code for my site. hell. it works. don't fuck with it, and it works. Why change anything? so what if it doesn't look like the king kong website? I mean, i'm not a web designer, and i don't have a couple hundred million dollar budget, and there aren't any danconnortown value meals at burger king either. So hey... dTown is good enough.

I'm international. My friend Clay took a picture of the back of an aguilla beer truck he saw in columbia the other day. Guess what? I'm in columbia. I mean, where he's at, they are happy to have dial up, and there i am. Do you think folks are watching the king kong website on their 30" Eizo displays down there?! It's a nice feeling when you feel okay.

and out of the blue i hear from an old college friend today. Just found me by accident with the google bar. Ol' Liz Wade from the CalArts days. I mean, it's like i was an antenna. Just tuning it all in loud and clear. Made me feel like i'm walking on a cloud. And then Ol' Beau calls up out of the blue too, and Ross Johnson, I mean, the vibe went from Sucks Ass to Is Pretty Chill in less than a day.

There isn't a way to explain it. I guess that's why i'm rambling. But the thing is, i was, and have been pretty down in the dumps since getting shot in the face back on september 12, 2005, and to be honest, i didn't really care if i snapped out of it ever or not. But like that, lickity split, things can change. Sure. i'm still pissed about what happened. Sure, it sucked, and was (as far as i'm concerned) one of the lowest things i've ever seen anyone do in my entire life, and even if i hit the lottery for a billion dollars as a direct result of getting fired like that, i'd still be pissed about what happened on that day, because it ain't about the money. It's friendship. It's what's important to you. It's why you get out of bed in the morning. What is it that makes you happy? what IS crazy delicious?!

well. in my case, it ain't pibb and red vines. it ain't the double whopper with cheese, no onion. It ain't even the new camera or the old camera or the pictures i'll never see. It's my friends. All of them. The ones that just pop up out of nowhere, and the ones who were there all along. Makes me feel like nothing else will ever matter, no matter hell or high water, and i like it.

So, thank you. I love you. And i'm glad you are there.

dTown 28˚ listening to Lou Reed "there is no time"