and so on

And then tonight, when i go to log in, I have the option again to log in to the OLD blogger. I tell you it's like there's god damned ghosts in this machine. I "upgrade" because after like 6 attempts to log in to the old blogger, i figure, they've just made it that you don't have a choice. Then i switch, and the next time i try to log in, it's all, "you wanna log in Old Style?" and i'm like, "well. yes. I do, but didn't just get an upgrade shoved deep in my pooper, like TWO days ago?" and then it's all, "Oh yea. YOU can't log in the old way. You've been upgraded. You have to do it the NEW way." And again, my train of thought gets all JIMMIED. Lordy. Much to do, much to do. The clock is ticking, and like it or not I've got to get on one of them Jet Planes. Everyone is asking, "when's the big going away party?!" and i'm like, "well... I gotta get the 'going away' part tuned first!" I mean, don't I ? But sure there's been plenty of days where I just want to go and get on the plane. Like right this second. Leave everything behind. It's not as important. Nothing could be more important than just getting on that plane and getting to the left side. But each day there is one more thing I get nostalgic about, or secretly wish to myself that things might have turned out differently.

But that's a secret. I don't want to talk about my secrets. (like right now, i'm craving a cigarette) In fact, i've really found myself tonight without a whole lot to say. I'm just anxious to get into my bed, pull that comforter up, and snuggle into a pillow. Recently i got some nice ones. Not like, top of the line bentley pillows, but you know, good enough that I don't feel like getting new ones when i get out west, but probably i won't be shipping pillows. I mean, maybe i will? what's it cost to ship a pillow?

That's the big thing i'm going around and around about lately. How much did it cost? How much does it cost to ship? How much time does it take to sell? How much is my time worth? Man. So many questions. It must be like those dudes sitting up in the front seats on the space shuttle. "did i remember to turn the fuel-purge off? Is my wife really going to try and race me to Cape Canaveral ? Will she pee in some adult diapers on the way? Did i really see Britney with a shaved head? What the hell is she doing? Can't she just let Anna have the spotlight for like, 1 more week?!

Seriously though. I haven't been following this whole Britney Thing. What is she like, joining fight club or something? I feel like i missed a few episodes. I'll be honest, and hey, it's no secret, I really don't give a shit, but i'm sure SOMETHING has gone wrong. Keep an eye on her. There's a right way and a wrong way to go about "taking a break" from the business. Where are all the pros that are supposed to keep an eye on her? Again, I don't care what she does. She wants to beat up an Escalade with an umbrella, fine. I've seen worse things done to an umbrella. Hell, one time there was this dude who tried to beat me up with an umbrella. I've still got some sore knuckles to prove it. I tell you that was something. Remember that? Going to jail over a guy attacking me with an umbrella? (well. sure, it was more complicated than that, but that's no secret either) Ah, the memories. Nobody ever said, "New York sure ain't no god damned kick in the pants!" at least not that i've ever heard.

It's a kick in the pants alright. Careful you don't drop the soap. Don't slip on it either. And don't take no wooden nickels. And you know what happened the other day? I don't have a picture of this, but it happened. I was going into the train station right? West 4th. And you know how there's always a stream of people coming out? And you wait and you wait, because you know if they're streaming out, that you aren't gonna catch the train anyway. Well I decided to be like the morons i've had to deal with for the past 6 years that think about it differently. I figured, "fuggit, let's try this New York style" and i just swiped my card and went on through. Sure. Of course, it had to be a regular, sort of (probably sort of) respectable woman trying to get out right? but i didn't even slow down. She was half way into the turnstyle, but i tell you what, i was 3/4's if i was an inch, so BACK THE FUCK UP. Just back up, and SHUT up. I'm bigger than you, and i'm coming through. I'm a PAYING customer. You already GOT your ride. MTA could give two shits about you. You're going to go spend your money somewhere else now. I'm trying to pay the MTA. That's my deal. Wait till i get to the stairs...

Man, she got huffy. That's what you do. You get huffy. And she was all, "excuse me!" and i was all, "NEW YONK!" you just got new YONKED biotch! ha ! YONKED ya. NEW YONK! (the stuff out of quotes was only in my head)

Well. It didn't feel better. I felt like a jerk, and i still think folks that are pushy like that at the trains are jerks. But lately, what's been happening is, I find myself fighting the urge to just shove those cats. Shove 'em right onto the tracks. You can tell which ones if you've been around a while, you know who's going to try and JAM right into the train ahead of you, even if you're clearly standing there ahead of them, and lately, when i see them, i think to myself, "what would happen if i just fucking BELTED that dude right in the mouth? Just sort of in passing. You know, as long as we're being dicks to everyone, why not just fucking GO for it? Give 'em the ol' HOWDY DOODY.

And that's how i know my time here is done. I mean, when you find yourself thinking about shoving folks off the platform, or popping them in the head just for being idiots, well, it sort of stops being fun. You're kind of becoming one of them. This ain't cartoons. Those are real people. And you know, the cops, they frown on that kind of crap. Not like they're anywhere to be seen. I guess most of the 911 EXTREME SECURITY money has dried up. But you know? I'd rather just think about other things when i'm walking around. And there again, we're touching on my secrets.

Oh crap. I was supposed to write about a nice walk in the park, and how the light was really nice, and the days seem to be getting longer. What the hell just happened?!

dTown | listening to Rancid | 32˚ and late outside.